How to make a marriage successful?

Love is the first step and marriage is the final. To fall in love is easy, but to make a marriage work is actual life. Often things start great just after marriage (whether it is arranged or love). Life is new and spicy.....but as things go on, feelings on being monotonous grips people. They feel as though they are seeing the same old face, eating the same old food, and have already become old.

The charm of marriage suddenly disappears.

Some of the basic facts which I have seen are:

1) Couples fail to give due importance to each other, like before and start taking their presence for granted.

2) Try to spend less time with each other or start giving excuses of work, etc.

3) Start misunderstanding each other and fail to retain that charm that was there initially.

Whether you are married or just starting a relationship, privacy and space are extremely important. You can't just take the other person for granted.

People start getting over-possessive at times and the other person starts feeling suffocated. Men often order women, not to go here and there or talk to him or her.

I have personally seen my female friends snapping bonds of friendships because their husbands were very fussy !! Now that's very bad since the girl is already leaving her home for the guy and it shows a highly conservative nature of the guy.

I LOVE YOU

Saying those 3 magical words, "I love you" to your spouse really keeps the magic going on. Sending flowers as a surprise or calling in the middle of the day, doesn't really feel like a Hollywood or Bollywood-type romance even if you are 50 years old. Trust me, these are very practical... just that you have to shed that hesitation from your mind.

Taking you spouse to restaurants for weekends, not just anniversaries, taking a break from work and going for some romantic memorable holidays, etc are just not things for early ages...

A surprise phone call for your wife, or a bouquet of flowers to show love... or celebrating occasions like "Rose day" or "Valentine's day" or making something for her (handmade) are some means to recapture the lost magic.

There are dozens of things which people can think to impress your spouse.

BE CALM AND UNDERSTAND YOUR PARTNER'S NEEDS

Next, too much misunderstanding or argument is very bad for any relationship. Having discussions on a topic is fine, but exaggerating it or having a heated debate is not. If there's some argument, take a break. Have a glass of cold water and take a walk in a park. Come back when both of you are normal. Sometimes, say sorry, even if it is not your fault, helps to make the other person realize faster... Statements like, "See, I am sorry if what I said made you angry, but I only said that, ..... for your happiness" really help. Try to resolve such heated debates with least amount of conversation. No marriage is complete without arguments and some fights... but then, too much of anything is bad !!

KEEP PRIVACY IN YOUR PRIVATE MATTERS

If you are having a discussion, then keep it within you two. It's your private matter. Your neighbors should not become uninvited spectators here. In fact, your parents or especially children should not hear them. Children learn from parents and their maturity comes from what they learn from their parents, so a child with constantly yelling and fighting parents is bound to become paranoid and have an unstable, emotionally insecure future. Any argument should remain within the boundaries of the room. If you need to talk regarding something, ensure it is out of the hearing of the children and talk in a low pitch within a room and nothing beyond that room. Give proper space and chance for the other to explain his/her point. Misunderstanding, right away, or being bossy is not the way to discuss anything.

Finally, any marriage works on certain compromises and sacrifices. You may not always be right or wrong, but let it be. Sometimes, with times, issues get solved, which you may not be able to handle right away. Spending time, or speaking correctly, quality time is highly essential. Work is very important but so is spending time with each other. Do not bring your office work to home. Time at home is meant to be spent with family members. Ensure to spend at least 2 hours with your spouse and children, no matter how busy you are. People normally spend time with TV sets rather their bedroom. I personally feel that there should be no TV in the bedroom. Talk to each other. It can be anything like "what he did today" or "what she did today".

LACK OF COMMUNICATION SHOULD BE AVOIDED

Talking is the best thing, which not only keeps a couple intact, but makes them feel that the channel for communication is still open. Problems arise when, that channels appears to be closed and hence, communication with each other becomes very stringent. All you need is dedication and interest in your spouse. Gently lying in your spouse's arms and talking and giving time to him/her is not only romantic but also extremely pleasing and relieves stress. In this way, more than half of your problems will get solved.

SEX IS AS IMPORTANT IN A MARRIED LIFE AS FOOD FOR OUR BODY

Another big factor is SEX. Now I don't mean to sound rude here, but people, especially in India, feel as though sex is something weird thing and is an occasional thing. Unfortunately, people have so many misconceptions regarding sex that they fail to realize its essence. Body and mind have their needs and a regular sex is no big deal. In fact, people have their own minds regarding it, as though it is some festive thing. Spending quality time with each other and having regular sex is very important and hypocrisy in this matter is never good. The pleasure of sex can be understood only by someone who does not lusts for body, but understands that physical relationship is something that enshrines love with luster. Sex is not a 2-minute game, but an art to master. I have written on this topic in my previous hubs and I can write more on this topic, in detail, but I will deal with it later.

RESPECT YOUR SPOUSE'S FEELINGS

1. Respect each other and each other's feelings. The sanctity of any marriage lies in giving respect.
2. Even children learn to give respect when they see their parents respecting each other.

YOU ARE SPECIAL

Everybody wants to be special. Its this feeling of being "special" that brings people together. You will definitely like the person who treats you specially. It is also similar in married life. Life partners should respect each other's feelings and treat them special.

The most important rule everyone should remember in a relationship as marriage is there should be no place for ego and both should accept each other the way they are without expecting any change in them for other's satisfaction. Instead both should move one step forward and make each other happy. One should not look at self satisfaction, but the other partner's satisfaction. In this way, both are working for each other. Then, there is always love and blessing relation till the end of life.

YOU SHOULD BECOME GOOD FRIENDS

The biggest thing I feel should be there in a marriage is that the relationship of a husband and wife should be like two friends... Then there is a lot of closeness and understanding. You can share a lot of things with your friends, which you might not be able to share with your spouse, so if the spouse becomes your friend, then there would be more friendliness between couples. If the two have mutual understanding, there is nothing that can disturb the peace between them.

EXTERNAL FORCES WORK ONLY WHEN THE INNER WALLS ARE WEAK.

Here external forces mean the outside people or factors and inner walls mean you and your hubby and your love. Now, I think you got my point.

In a marriage, you should share everything with your spouse, and sometimes, when you have these mood changes, you don't want to be disturbed... left alone, and need some time all alone. Hence it is very necessary that the spouse understands this and takes care.

So my dear friends, these were some of the points, which came to my mind when a read this hub request today. You can also provide your points in the comments section below on "how to make a marriage successful".